why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
