you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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