i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I look better un-naked...
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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