my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
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