Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
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i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
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WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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