I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
