She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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