I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
