Have you finally orgasmed yet?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
you had me at cake vodka
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
