i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You were trust falling into bushes
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
