I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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