Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize