I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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