Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I pour the whiskey from now on
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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