She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
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I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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