Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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