Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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