i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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