When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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