Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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