Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
