How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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