I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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