i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
