So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
