my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
