Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Randomize
