You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
