my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
please come you make the beer taste better
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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