Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
