you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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