Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
