so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
