Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
