next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
