she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I would ride that face into the sunset
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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