Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
