3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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