peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
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