Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
