I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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