My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
