He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
