i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
