So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm at about main and main street
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
