Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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