Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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