And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
it's like iHOP with fire
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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