someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize