yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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