I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She tied me up with her honor cords...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
