dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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