OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
