no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
