i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I could fuck to npr.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm like, not good at living.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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