she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
