Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
