we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
