OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
