He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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