dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
