I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
