i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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