Your dad touched me again.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Text me some of your sweat
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
