so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
