i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
