thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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