I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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