Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
