Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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