So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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