she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
