In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
