nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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