What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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