We won't sleep together?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
