If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
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