when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
