Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
